Spring Cleaning

we do it for our homes and our cars so why not do it for your body, right? ​

every 6 months or so i backslide into a pretty intense period of binge eating and in turn make myself pretty sick. i effectively poison myself with garbage. for the most part i eat very well and take pretty decent care of myself food wise. i've spent the past 11 months working on relearning about food and embarking on my own journey. yes, this has come with some weight loss and that feels amazing but that isn't the focus. the focus is always on health and intentional living. everyone in my family dies of heart attacks and if they don't die they have them young-too young-and i ain't down with that. that isn't how i play. so, health...

but i have issues with food as so many people do and often our relationship is an unhealthy one. we get together, hang out, treat each other well for a while and there is an implosion. i get sad or frustrated or stressed or tired or bored or just lazy and it begins to spiral. there are days when i eat myself sick. many days. i am not proud of this fact but it's a fact and i'm working on. it's a slow process and it's going to take years to sort it all out. ​

goodness, this sounds so doom and gloom but i am doing better. these bouts of violence happen less and less frequently and i am able to resist them for longer. not eating gluten certainly helps but the flipside is that the resulting pain can't be blamed on that wrap i had for lunch... there are just less excuses now that my IBS is somewhat more under control... ​

ANYWAY, spring cleaning! as a bit of a reset after my last little bout with tummy terrors i have decided to embark once again on the wildrose cleanse. i love it! it wants you to eat food (especially sushi!-we fish...) and take good care of yourself. it can be a bit brutal on your time if you don't love going to the bathroom but generally i find it the simplest. no flour of any kind, no dairy, no sugar and no tropical fruit. there are some other things but for the most part those are all my IBS triggers anyway! YAY! ​

so here's to a reset and a clear, sugar-free head. ​

happy spring everyone. i hope you have some plans to mark this wonderful new season... (when it stops snowing anyway)!

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In Defense of the (Gay) Biebs

I'm not a fan of the Biebs. I actually don't give any fucks what he does or does not do and what music he does or does not make. I don't care if the Biebs has sex with all the dudes or all the ladies or all the cats. Well, I sort of care about him fucking cats because they can't consent. But anyways, I truly give no fucks about him whatsoever...
but in case you live under a rock this is what Justin Bieber looks like:

selfie!​

So there I was, patiently waiting in front of a shoppers for my co-worker to finish grabbing lunch and absolutely minding my own business when this happens:

An older man in a wolf sweatshirt (proclaiming him love for Banff or Canmore or some equally mountainous Albertan city on the western edge of our province) approaches me with a look of sheer horror and sadness on his face. 

Man: A lady just told me that that kid, the one in the window over there, that Justin Bieber is gay! GAY! ​

Me: Oh, really? That's cool. ​

Man: What? ​

Me: It's cool! If Justin Bieber's gay that's good for him. I'm happy for him. ​

Man: What? That isn't good. Being gay isn't good. It isn't the way we were made.

Me: I'm sorry sir, I disagree. I think people are either born gay or not, I don't believe it's a choice. ​

...and this argument continued for a few minutes. He talked a lot about God and HEAVEN and HELL and finally I just said,​

Me: Sir, I don't believe there is anything wrong with being gay. Period. ​

Man: (flustered)​ well, I don't think we'll ever agree about what will happen to those people when they meet God.

Me: No, we won't. Ever. ​

And so he walks away. Unimpressed and telling everyone who'll listen how horrific it was that I said aloud and genuinely believe that being gay is ok.

He didn't even ask what I think about Justin Bieber. ​He leaves the mall and goes outside, his tirade continuing and every time the door swings open I can hear him talking about the "girl in there who thinks it's ok to be gay!" CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!

But that isn't the end of the story... ​

A couple minutes later a woman who had seen the whole thing approaches:

Lady: Is that guy still around? ​

Me: He's outside telling anyone who'll listen that he can't believe I said it was ok to be gay.

Lady: It's lesbian. ​

Me: What? ​

Lady: Men are gay, women are lesbians. ​​

Me: Oh, right.

Lady: Men are gay, you're a lesbian. ​

Me: What? ​

Lady: You're a lesbian. ​

Me: I'm not actually, I just think it's all cool! Whoever you are I'm cool with it, that's all I was trying to tell the guy. ​

Lady: It's ok. Calm down. It's ok that you're a lesbian. ​

Me: Thanks. ​

Lady: There's some guys I play bingo with who are gay. One of them is a bus driver! They make a LOT of money! ​

Me: More than me, I bet! ​

She begins to walk away. ​

Lady: That guy's an asshole. ​

I chuckle. ​

Me: He sure is! ​

The MAN enters again, trailing after a woman talking about how I am going to burn in hell along with Justin Bieber ​and all the other "gays and gay lovers who laugh in the face of their creator". The woman responded but I didn't hear what she said. His response, "Good! You're a believer too!"

​And then my co-worker arrives on scene, lunch in hand and ready to go. I pick up my bag and off we go. I'm sort of confused about what has just happened but it's nice to know that that nice little lady in the mall thinks it's ok to be gay (and lesbian-and every other beautiful inborn expression of human sexuality) because you can still be a bus driver, play bingo with your friends and make a lot more money that a heteroflexible gal who works for an arts charity.

And you know, if Justin Bieber's gay I hope he is happy and loved because that's all I hope for anyone-even douchebag pop stars!

my own lonely island

yeah... this. ​

listen, i'm not big on internet whining but sometimes i just wanna smash my chubby little fists on the floor and lament my tragic alone-ness. ​

i feel it profoundly sometimes. mostly when i crash my car into a ditch and i come home to my empty apartment cold and scared and have no one to cry to. no strong shoulder to be pleased that i'm ok and allow my moment of hysterics with love and compassion. ugly crying alone in bed is a dire adventure. ​

sometimes. ​

and the truth is i never know what i want. i actively don't know what i want. "traditional" doesn't work for me and most of the time i feel ok being on my own. ​

here is what i do know:

post-car accident, i want a boyfriend​

under no circumstances do i want to be mommy to an adult baby

​everything else...

​

this. ​

clearly today is about being glib and whiny and stealing other people's cleverness all over the internet! ​

TA DA! ​